The Many Grape
CREAM of wheat.
Implying MILK of wheat. Implying someone milks the wheat. My
new, unnamed farmer character sets out to supply the demand.
Should we name him? Naaaah.
So... cream of wheat. What the heck is this pasty gob
that showed up on my tray? I tried it, I had heard of it, but
had no preconceptions. It... came with a little packet of brown
sugar. After my first attempt at eating the cream of wheat,
(brown sugar helped very little), I forever after used the brown
sugar in my tea.
Let's take a moment to address the little paper packets
that sugar comes in here. The trays are often home to hot
condensation. Worse, from time to time, one overfilled or tipsy
tea or coffee can spell a bit of a spill for half the trays of
the ward, when they're all arranged atop each other in the
Little paper packets aren't fond of that either.
Somehow it can suck out all the empty space in the packet, maybe
by slight congealing, the sugar takes up more space, meaning
there's no empty space in the packet to rip through. Kay, it's
really no huge deal to rip through a thin wall of sugar. It's
just... huh. I have a spent sugar packet near me right now...
does the paper... No, that's stupid. I won't taste garbage.
But... science... Nope. Cross-contamination with a used teabag.
I can't run a lab in these conditions.
City of Fictionville
City Works and Sanitation
Firstly, thank you, as most of you have stopped
disposing of expired protein products via compost.
Unfortunately, the size of the flies has not notably decreased.
They seem to have found other sources of protein.
Secondly, we've noticed a significant decrease in
common rodent populations.
And birds. No one misses rats, but even the crows have a welcome
place in our city.
Thirdly, it seems in lieu of using the compost bins,
many of you have been flushing expired protein down your
toilets. It has a chance of clogging pipes, but this is a much
lesser concern over the effects on certain urban wildlife that
unfortunately has been making their home in lower sewer areas.
This seems to be a refuge for the rats, but also-
remember the urban myth about flushed baby alligators? There's
been some revelations to that notion.
Gators with sick pecs and biceps have been spotted near the
river, flexing and smiling at women. I'm not trained for this,
and the city will have difficulty raising money to deal with
these gators safely.
In the meantime, please dispose of for protein products in the
regular garbage, or, I don't know, fireplaces? And stay away
from the river.
We don't think the muscular gators are any faster than
normal gators, as they only seem to be working the front legs
and chest. I discovered that on top of usual zig-zag running,
dropping your sunglasses distracts them until they can put them
on, after which, they seem to feel the need to pose for each
other for a while.
Director of Sanitation
Given my lactose intolerance, and marked distaste for eggs and
oatmeal, my array of breakfast options is a little narrow. A
cereal is always part of my compete breakfast, be they bran
flakes, corn flakes, cheerios (that are often less than crunchy
for reasons I can only speculate,) or rice crispies.
Yes, I listen to the rice crispies.
No, they don't tell me anything interesting.